You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
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