i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
