You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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