I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
