At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
