my vag is so smooth its legendary
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
