it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
