sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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