This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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