You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
