please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
