i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
