Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
