My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize