I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
