I think I won the penis lottery.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
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The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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