Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
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I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
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Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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