I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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