Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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