tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
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