Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
