And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
