whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
