i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
