dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
