we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
