Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
