so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
