I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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