Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Also, beer. Big fan.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
