i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
