u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
