I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
