Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
