I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
