here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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