actually, I'm a sock model
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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