I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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