just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
No subtext here. People are naked.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I am available for nakedness
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
