I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
