does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
