i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
