her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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