she was so not down for the gang bang
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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