The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
