If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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