We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
