I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My liver just had a heart attack.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
