Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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