Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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