I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
