It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
