im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Cover your peen. We're going out.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
