Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
