Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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