I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
