Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I have already put on my inside pants.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
