I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
