every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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