idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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