can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
