I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
