On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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