new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
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