is your mom at the bar?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
